Thursday, May 27, 2010

Time to Love

I read a blog post the other day on ADHD that has gotten me thinking. One thing she said was that because she choose to medicate her child, people didn't resent her or her son for his behavior. I started thinking back over the years of raising Jesse and people reactions to him.So many times he has been treated poorly by others because of his actions. This is by both adults and children. It hasn't been just when he was on his medication or off, it hasn't really matter. He has been treated the same. He has kids call him names, adults roll their eyes at him when he wants to sit by him, adults who refuse or resent working with him, children who make fun of his siblings because of him, adults and children talk bad about him to others, and the list goes on and on.

My son is not a bad child. He is not a kid who will act out just to make you mad. He does not ignore you just because. He is not rude to you because he doesn't like you. He IS a boy with disabilities! He IS a boy who is struggling to make it in a world where he is looked down upon. He IS a boy with a heart of gold if you are willing to take the time to see it. He IS an amazing person with a sweet testimony of life and the gospel.Jesse has ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome. This means that his brain is wired differently than yours and mine resulting in him processing information differently. For example he does not connect the fact that he can't just say whatever is on his mind, especially if it is a rude thought. To him it doesn't seem wrong. For him he struggles greatly with impulse control, understanding consequences, hyperactivity, knowing how to appropriately interact with others, and many other facets of daily life. So often because it is not a readily visible disability, people think he is just a bad kid. Would you tell a child with a physical handicap the same thing? Of course not. People sympathize with them and love them despite the disability. The same should be true with children with mental disabilities.
I know more than anyone what Jesse is like. 95% of the time Jesse is with me or another member of the family. Many times we are asked to be present where ever Jesse is to take care of him. This is a double edged sword for me. I love my son and will always be there for him. But it also bothers me that when people don't take the time it takes to get to know Jesse to the point that they know how to best deal with him. It seems easier to just look at his problems and resent him for it than to take the extra time to get to know him. I can guarantee you that no one has seen his worst or his best other than me and yes that includes Robert and the other kids.
I am so very grateful for those who have taken the time to love and care for my son. There are some great friends who without question willing let Jesse come play or stay at their house for a few hours. That time means more to him than you can ever know. He truly loves and cherishes these people who let him into their heart, even if he is unable to tell them. These bright rays of sunshine light my sons life as well as my own.
It is my ever present hope that people will take the time to get to know my son. Yes it will be a rocky road, full of unpleasant times. But in the end it will be a tremendous blessing to him and others. He is growing and improving constantly. Having him home from school has been one of the best things we have ever done for him. He works a couple of times a week with an amazing PSR worker is strives to help him survive socially. He continues with counseling monthly to help us all find what is best for him. He tries to incorporate all he learns to be better and has come a long way. However he will most likely always have problems anytime there are changes, struggle with controlling his impulses, and get overstimulated easily in social situations causing him to act out. Thank you to everyone who helps Jesse to become the best person he can. Thank you for the dedication you have shown our son and your patience and love toward him. It is a blessing to us to have the privilege to raise him, and we are grateful for all the help you give to us.


shellysanford said...

Those are some really great pictures Hannah! It has been a couple of weeks, okay probably more than a couple of weeks but we showed up for mutal one night and Jesse ran up to the door and opened it for us!! I was so impressed, great job! Maybe some of that can rub off on my boys.

Kristi M. said...

You are the most loving, dedicated mother that I seriously know. He is in the most perfect family for him. I totally agree with you when you talked about people treating those differently when it is an obvious physical disability but acting differently towards children where it may be more mental. We just don't know the circumstances. I really appreciated reading this.

Kurt and Michelle said...

And a very special thank you to you Hannah for the amazing mother that Jesse gets to have. You truly are amazing, and you have a special gift yourself, compassion and love.

joven said...

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joven said...

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joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine to,and be a follower..thanks and God bless..