Time to Love

I read a blog post the other day on ADHD that has gotten me thinking. One thing she said was that because she choose to medicate her child, people didn't resent her or her son for his behavior. I started thinking back over the years of raising Jesse and people reactions to him.So many times he has been treated poorly by others because of his actions. This is by both adults and children. It hasn't been just when he was on his medication or off, it hasn't really matter. He has been treated the same. He has kids call him names, adults roll their eyes at him when he wants to sit by him, adults who refuse or resent working with him, children who make fun of his siblings because of him, adults and children talk bad about him to others, and the list goes on and on.

My son is not a bad child. He is not a kid who will act out just to make you mad. He does not ignore you just because. He is not rude to you because he doesn't like you. He IS a boy with disabilities! He IS a boy who is struggling to make it in a world where he is looked down upon. He IS a boy with a heart of gold if you are willing to take the time to see it. He IS an amazing person with a sweet testimony of life and the gospel.Jesse has ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome. This means that his brain is wired differently than yours and mine resulting in him processing information differently. For example he does not connect the fact that he can't just say whatever is on his mind, especially if it is a rude thought. To him it doesn't seem wrong. For him he struggles greatly with impulse control, understanding consequences, hyperactivity, knowing how to appropriately interact with others, and many other facets of daily life. So often because it is not a readily visible disability, people think he is just a bad kid. Would you tell a child with a physical handicap the same thing? Of course not. People sympathize with them and love them despite the disability. The same should be true with children with mental disabilities.

I know more than anyone what Jesse is like. 95% of the time Jesse is with me or another member of the family. Many times we are asked to be present where ever Jesse is to take care of him. This is a double edged sword for me. I love my son and will always be there for him. But it also bothers me that when people don't take the time it takes to get to know Jesse to the point that they know how to best deal with him. It seems easier to just look at his problems and resent him for it than to take the extra time to get to know him. I can guarantee you that no one has seen his worst or his best other than me and yes that includes Robert and the other kids.

I am so very grateful for those who have taken the time to love and care for my son. There are some great friends who without question willing let Jesse come play or stay at their house for a few hours. That time means more to him than you can ever know. He truly loves and cherishes these people who let him into their heart, even if he is unable to tell them. These bright rays of sunshine light my sons life as well as my own.

It is my ever present hope that people will take the time to get to know my son. Yes it will be a rocky road, full of unpleasant times. But in the end it will be a tremendous blessing to him and others. He is growing and improving constantly. Having him home from school has been one of the best things we have ever done for him. He works a couple of times a week with an amazing PSR worker is strives to help him survive socially. He continues with counseling monthly to help us all find what is best for him. He tries to incorporate all he learns to be better and has come a long way. However he will most likely always have problems anytime there are changes, struggle with controlling his impulses, and get overstimulated easily in social situations causing him to act out. Thank you to everyone who helps Jesse to become the best person he can. Thank you for the dedication you have shown our son and your patience and love toward him. It is a blessing to us to have the privilege to raise him, and we are grateful for all the help you give to us.

Excitement!!

We are trying an experiment with Jesse and church tomorrow. After a particularly stressful Sunday last week Robert and I asked out Bishop for a blessing this week to help feel less overwhelmed. We never did get around to the blessings, but had a good talk and he came up a possible solution to help Jesse feel more comfortable in church.

Most Sundays, Jesse hates going to church it is a fight each week to get him dressed and ready. Then Sacrament meeting is another battle of trying to keep him sitting quietly for 70 minutes. It ends up being a torture session for him and me. So bishop suggested having him go to sacrament meeting at Annabelle House (a care facility) and then coming to primary when it is time. This will make it so that he only has to sit quietly for about 20-30 minutes, there is less people to overwhelm him, and he can potentially help out as needed with the meeting (Bishop suggested having him pass the mic for testimony meetings). He will be able to take the sacrament like he needs to without having to sit so long when he isn't getting anything out of the meeting.

Yesterday I talked with Jesse about it and he was so excited. He was talking about it today even. This is the first time ever that I have seen him excited to go to church. Brother Lowder (he is in charge of the meetings there) even told him he could help pass out hymn books if he was there a few minutes early which thrilled Jesse. It is so wonderful to see Jesse excited to go to church and hopefully it will be a great solution for this sweet boy!

The Ups and Downs of Life

So this last week has been very challenging with Jesse. In many ways it isn't unexpected because he always struggled with school around the middle of the year, but it makes for some challenging days dealing with it all day, every day.

For example our day on Monday was horrid school wise. It took him 3 hours in the morning to do math, his best subject. He just was so unfocused and distracted. After that I got him through a few short lessons like spelling before lunch. He then left for a few hours with his PSR worker. When he came back it took him 7 hours to complete a reading test mainly because it had several short answer questions and a short essay and he HATES writing. We finally finished the test around 10 at night. I had had it and was very frustrated, but the rule is if he is being defiant he has to finish his school work that day no matter how late. We finally finished all his work at 11:45 at night, close to 15 hours after we first started in the morning. The good part about it was that in the past he would usually be belligerent in his defiance with school work, while that he he just sat and didn't work. I guess you take the good however small.

Several others days have been like that this week, just not the that extreme. Last week however, he did amazing every day in school. I guess so many days we could just find and even playing field so that I could know what to expect. I hate guessing what kind of a day it will be. I know this will never happen, but it is nice to dream I guess.

Pumpkin Patch 2009

Yesterday I took the preschoolers and Jesse to the pumpkin patch. A couple of kids couldn't make it, so there was only a few of us but it was still a lot of fun. We started out with the kids going through the hay bale maze. After the initial traffic jam from the kids on all the groups, they all raced through and had a lot of fun. Then we went and picked pumpkins. I think Jesse and Faith both felt they could only get a pumpkin from the very back of the patch because they both just kept walking without getting a pumpkin. Faith was very choosy about hers as well. Every one I suggested just wasn't quite right. Finally we had to just pick one or go with out so we could head back to where everyone else was.
We ended the adventure with a hay ride around the pumpkin patch. Jesse enjoyed taking pictures on the different colored pumpkins on the way. We had a great time finished the morning with a little shopping before heading home for school.

IDVA for Jesse

Well after much thought and struggling I have decided to enroll Jesse in the Idaho Virtual Academy. There are so many pros and cons to this decision, that it has been hard to make. My main reasons for making the change are for social. As he gets older the teasing that he faces will become more aggressive and mean spirited. This teasing them sends him into tantrums where he becomes violent to those around him. Having him at home for school will eliminate the majority of this teasing and help us to control his social situations.

Also Jesse struggles so much with change. By having him home he will no longer have to feel out of control when there is a substitute, a class party, etc. We will be able to structure his day so that his work is broken up throughout the day and interspersed with down time to help motivate him in his work. This has worked well this summer and we plan to continue a similar schedule for the school year.

When I asked Jesse about it he first said it sounded silly, but as I explained it he became excited and said it would be perfect. I am hoping that I will be able to handle this change and that things will go well with it. I figure if it doesn't work out we can also put him back at Wilson. In the very least I will not have to be called to school to help with him, since he will be with me already. That alone will relieve some stress since those calls and subsequent trips to the school are very emotionally draining. However, they will be replaced other stresses of working with Jesse at home.

Jesse has also finally qualified for a PSR (psycho-social rehab) worker who is starting this week with him. She will spend five hours a week helping Jesse to deal with social situations. I am hoping that we will begin to see some great results for him!

ADHD or Aspergers

Well the last month with Jesse's psychologist has involved some difficult information. A few weeks ago we talked about the possibility of later down the road of facing some early onset bi-polar because of his extreme mood swings. There is a family history of bi-polar on my side of the family (my sister, uncle, and cousins) so it is not a surprise, but still very scary.

On Friday at his session Jesse was exhibiting some classic symptoms of Aspergers syndrome. AS is a disorder that falls on the autism spectrum. This has always been a condition that we have suspected. His counselor believes that he does have AS although we are keeping his ADHD diagnosis for now. This is because his treatment will remain the same as we are addressing his current needs. Part of the problem is that Jesse exhibits many symptoms of various behavioral/psychological disorders. Now it is time to research AS to see how we can further help Jesse.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde- Life with ADHD

So today was another trying day with Jesse. We have had more of these lately and it is very discouraging. He had a major melt down at school and I had to go pick him up. I tried to get him under control so he could stay in school and let him know that he would lose going to the Pinewood Derby if he couldn't get it together. Well after multiple choices and looking like he had it together he started right back downhill and ended up being carrying out of the school (twice). It was not good. After it took forever. However, when he finally deescalated and we were able to get him in the car and go home he was a completely different person. Gone was the yelling, kicking, screaming, defiant person and here was the sweet., calm, ready to please person in his place.

Such is life with ADHD. It seems like you can go from being calm and happy to violent and angry and back to calm within hours or minutes of each other. Not to mention the impulsively, hyperactivity, lack of focus, and defiance. Some days are easy going with no problems while others are a roller coaster of ups and downs and everything in between. It amazes me that there are still people who believe that ADHD is not a real disorder and that it is just a badly behaved child. It is hard for some to understand that mental disorders can be just as trying as physical ones, but often aren't as accepted. I wish they could come and see my son when he is struggling. To see him as if he has no control over his actions and is just responding at the very root instinct. To see him wanting so much to be good, but just not able to bring things under control. To see him struggle with relationships because he can't figure out the social situations and how to react in them.

I love my son so much and worry so much for him. Here soon we will most likely be getting a PSR (psycho-social rehab) worker for Jesse who will work with him a couple times a week in our home and community to try to help him some more. I hope we can find what Jesse needs to be successful in life. As it is, he seems to struggle more and more the older he gets. I am thankful for the strength that Heavenly Father gives us when we are at our whit's end in things. I am thankful for the chance we have to raise Jesse and help guide him through his life.

The Big 9!

Tuesday was Jesse's 9th birthday. Since it is a scouts day, we celebrated last Saturday. Jesse decided he wanted to have cupcakes instead of cake. He had fun adding sprinkles to all the cupcakes.For each person's birthday they get to choose the food and activities for the day.Jesse choose waffles with strawberries and whipped cream for breakfast.He chose sandwiches with an apple, banana, and a cereal bar for lunch. Then it was time to open presents. Faith was salivating over the cupcakes. Jesse was excited to receive and Erector set, some Lego sets, a set of Army men, a drawing notebook, a Star Wars book, and a Bionicle.
Tyler was thrilled. Then it was time to dig in for the treats.For Jesse's activity he wanted to play games outside, but was so excited with his new toys that he spent the rest of the day playing with his presents. It is great when we get it right!Finally Jesse choose homemade pizza for dinner. It was a very busy, but great day celebrating Jesse!

The Side I Wish All Could See

This morning Jesse woke up early and got ready for school without any fighting. So while he was eating breakfast, I went and got my shower. When I got out he came in and told me he had gotten my breakfast for me. At first I was a little worried because I usually don't eat what most of the family eats for breakfast. So I asked him what he made for me. He told me he got out one of my yogurts and my bagel (English muffin) and toasted it but he didn't butter it because the only butter he saw wasn't opened. I could tell he put a lot of thought into getting my breakfast because he only got out things I would eat and the butter he is referring to is the butter spray I use instead of regular butter that the family uses.

This is a side of Jesse that I wish everyone were able to see. He has such an amazing heart and is really caring and loving. So often all people see of him is the rambunctious, aggressive, hyper child who is always in trouble. I worry so much for him and his future. I worry that he will always be judged by his negative actions that he struggles to control and that people won't take the time it takes to really see inside him. He has such a love for Heavenly Father and Jesus, but struggles expressing it as most people do. I truly love Jesse and love how willing he is to be of service to us!

Hallelujah!

I am so excited! We have been working to potty train Faith for about a year and a half. We would work with her and she would not show any interest or try to use the toilet. So we would wait awhile and try again. Well she has finally decided that she is ready and this week has been doing really well. She is finally telling us when she needs to go and working to stay clean. It is so great! Once she decided she wanted to do it, she has been very easy to train. I guess she just needed her own time frame. What a stubborn little girl!

Jesse is also doing really well right now with his bowel problems. For him it has been years of doctors and frustrations. Funny thing is that one thing that is really helping him is the Wii. I guess we needed to find the right motivation to help him get past the psychological side of his disorder. I can't tell you how wonderful it will be to no longer deal with toileting issues. One day . . . . .

Day 2

Day 2 of all being quiet by 9:30! YIPPEEEEEEEEE! We keep this up and I won't know what to do with myself. I feel like jumping for joy. It is so funny because it is almost like an on off switch. One minute you hear his various playing noises and the next it is silence and he is out. I am loving this Melatonin stuff!

A Miracle??

I just have to say that I think I may have just found myself a miracle pill. Night time around our home is horrid. When Jesse comes off his meds, he gets very hyper and can't sleep until about 11:00 at night. His psychologist recommended asking his pediatrician about using Melatonin for him, so I did today. I gave it to him about 8:45 tonight and then sent the kids to bed. I heard the typical playing that happens every night. About 9:15 Jesse comes out of his room, hands me the bottle and says "See mom no medicine helps me go to sleep." I told him just to go to bed. He finally did and within 5 minutes the house was quiet. THIS NEVER HAPPENS!! There are many times I still hear him as I am going to sleep. I went and checked on him and he was out at about 9:30! I am sitting here now basking in the quiet of our house and hoping that we have found something to truly help Jesse.

Who Needs a Bed?

So this must be the week for finding Jesse in weird sleeping places. This morning I found him sleeping at his closet door amid all the shoes, toys, clothes, hangers, backpacks, etc. He was sound asleep using his teddy bear as a pillow. I guess just sleeping in a bed normally isn't an option for him right now. I wonder what I will find next!

Are You Feeling Boxed In?

OK so this morning I went to get Jesse out of bed and this is what I found. Can you imagine sleeping all night like this! I don't know how he did it, but he was out of it when I woke him up. What a crazy little guy!

A Great Day for a Dive!

Faith had her first session of swimming lessons this week and Jesse continued with his lessons. Faith has always been extremely afraid of water and would scream like crazy any time she was within 10 feet of water. This summer she started getting better about water and started playing in the baby pool we have. We took the family swimming a few times and after sitting on the steps for about 15 minutes she would go play in the shallow area on her own. So I decided it was time to get her in lessons.

Her teacher was Mason, a young man in our ward. He was great with her. She was very apprehensive at the beginning of the first few lessons, but with his help she warmed up and had a great time. On the last day Mason wasn't there and Faith refused to go with the class. After the first ten minutes, her class got out of the water and went to the diving boards. She wanted to go, but was still really nervous. I took her over and she decided she wanted to jump. She loved it so much that she kept cutting in line to get another turn.

Faith dived three different times and loved every minute of it (it was a shock to me to see her going when she was so afraid of water in the past). After diving time was over, the class went back to the shallow end and played with toys. Faith was warmed up to the substitute by then and had a great time playing with the rubber ducks in the pool.



Jesse also had a great time diving and playing. He was very excited to have Faith there and thought it was funny that Faith's teacher that day was his former teacher.

Swimming Fun!

Jesse had his last day of swimming lessons. He had lots of fun playing with his classmates, going down the slide, and doing some of the things he learned in class. The last ten minutes they went to the diving board and the big slide.

On his last dive of the day he decided to dive with a kick board. When he hit the water, the kick board got away from him and he was in trouble (he doesn't really swim well yet). His teacher wasn't looking his direction so he didn't realize he was struggling. Jesse did a great job at trading water even though he still struggles with this. One of the other moms and I were yelling at Jesse to swim, but all he would do was tread water. Our yelling got the teachers attention and he jumped in and got Jesse. Here is a video of the dive, but the end of the video is just the sky because I forgot to stop the video and was focused on Jesse. It seemed to take minutes, but seeing the video it was only about 30 seconds.

Day Camp

Last Wed. and Thurs. I spent the day with our wards cub scouts at day camp. This was Jesse's first year so it was great spending the time with him. The theme of camp this year was "Knights of the Round Table". They had the traditional and fun activities of BB guns, archery, and knot tying but also had some really great theme activities such as jousting, catapults, leather working, wheelbarrow jousting, building catapults, and some group games. The boys all had a great time. I think the different types of jousting was defiantly the favorite (what boy wouldn't like hitting each other with a pool noodle?). Unfortunately I forgot my camera both days so there are no pictures to share.

Summer Fun

This summer I bought this little pool for the kids to play with. It is mainly for the younger kid, but as you can see Tyler and Britain has just as much fun as the little ones. It was great because Faith has always been afraid of water, but for the first time she willing went into this pool and loved it! She screamed about getting out instead of the usual getting in. Faith's friend London was also over to have some fun (she had more fun watching instead of getting in).

Field Trip to the Botanical Gardens

Today I went with Jesse on his 1st grade field trip. They first went to the park and ate lunch and played. Then they headed over to the Botanical Gardens. They listened to a short presentation about plants and then went on a tour of the gardens. The staff did a great job at presenting the information on a 1st grade level. One of the beautiful gardens!

The class learned about earthworms and had the chance to hold them. Jesse didn't want to hold a worm so he just looked on with his classmates.
They had the chance to look for tadpoles, salamanders, and bugs in one of the ponds.
Next they set out searching for things with a magnifying glass. They collected things in a cup and then took them to the table to inspect them more closely.

The class got to "pet" bamboo as they walked through the garden.

This is a wasps nest from last year that had broke open with the rain. The kids got to walk underneath it to see inside the nest.

Some of the floral arrangements.
Jesse and his classmates rubbed their hands in lavender and smell them. Most of the class liked the smell, including Jesse. They then got to smell mint in the herb garden.
Jesse took this picture of one of the bushes in the garden.